i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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