i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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