This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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