I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
