Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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