How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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