The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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