Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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