So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
