I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
