Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
