upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
