I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
