Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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