she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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