Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
