Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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