the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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