I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
