Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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