I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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