I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
