everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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