If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
