Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize