Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
this hospital has no fireball
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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