ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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