I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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