i just had sex bonerless
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
