after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
