I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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