she woke up with a sticky ear
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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