the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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