I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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