dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
