I cannot find my penis.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you never un-have a 4some
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
