i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
