I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
