There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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