Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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