I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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