Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
