he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
