So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
