Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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