Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
