He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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