Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
