Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
