Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
