You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
