Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
