Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
