I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Floor bacon is actually really good
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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