Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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