I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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