Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
