This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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