The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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