apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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