Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
