I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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