i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
