dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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