nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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