you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
