just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
