I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
