When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
