well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
