ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
bring money and cleavage
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
