went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
