is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
